Douglas L. Simmons
Abecedarian
Presents:
Road Rulers...or...Rules of the Road
Copyright © 2011 by Douglas L. Simmons
This page is dedicated to my thoughts on various behaviors of people in our society which, once they get behind the wheel...well; read on, if you wish...
...if only for a moment.
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--Doug L.
October 22, 2010
Public Parking?
August 30, 2000 - 6:12pm
Road Kill. Or:
Dead Skunks In The Middle Of The Road.
00-00-2000
Flying Low....
....ways to become road kill
Public Parking?
It wasn't all that long ago that we had public parking on city streets.
Since we all pay taxes and fees to to maintain the public roads it follows that we should be able to drive on them.
We can.
If we pay more taxes and fees.
Okay. I can live with that.
Now I arrive at home and, since I can't just leave my car in the middle of the street blocking traffic, I pull to the curb and park in front of, or near to, my house....except,,,,I can't park there! Or anywhere within close walking distance of my house.
You see, my street is filled with "Handicapped Parking" signs. I know all of my neighbors are not "Handicapped" as I generally take a daily constitutional and walk about my neighborhood. As I walk I encounter those same neighbors-walking, jogging, pushing carriages, carrying home bags of groceries. They can't possibly be "Handicapped".
Maybe they pay extra fees and taxes to have those signs in front of their houses.
Now, that's all right with me. I just wish one of them would tell me who their connection is so I could pay the proper fees and taxes and have the nice gentleman in the City Truck (which I pay fees and taxes for him to drive) come and erect a reserved parking sign in front of my house.
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August 30, 2000 - 6:12pm
Road Kill. Or:
Dead Skunks In The Middle Of The Road.
We have "Idiot Proofed" the world we live in.
It is a possibility, that is the reason why there are so many of them around these days.
Nature used to take its course. It no longer can.
We have invented everything from the "Pop Top" which remains attached to the can, thus preventing some idiot from sticking it back in the hole before drinking from the can and, as a result of this stupidity, choking to death on the thing when he swallow's it; to the ground fault device. An interesting tool, designed to prevent those Einstein's who like to trim their hedges in the rain from being electrocuted by their own stupidity.
Even the lawsuit (an legal recourse designed to allow one a nonviolent means of righting wrongs prevaricated upon you by another) has been turned to the task of idiot proofing the planet.
It used to be: If you walked down the middle of the road, you got ran over.
No longer true.
Daily, drivers fastidiousily watch for groups, or individuals, who are traipsing down the middle of the throughfare and dutifully drive around them, rather than using the fools for speed bumps.
The reason: The idiot (or his survivors) will sue and take everything you own.
Perhaps, nature is not as easily defeated as we might believe.
Not very far back in our own past, a variety of predators (provided by nature) kept the populations of deer, rabbits, sea gulls, and skunks in check. These predators were more of an annoyance to mankind than an actual threat. However, simply because they did annoy us, we killed them off.
As a result: The deer overpopulated. The rabbits overpopulated. The parking lots of our supermarkets and shopping malls are filled with baby sea gulls who were born and will live and die in this environment because the beaches are already full of their cousins.
No predators.
Same with the skunks.
A skunk was once a rare commodity inside the city limits of even small towns. Nowadays there are dead skunks littering the Avenues of country and town alike.
Why?
Well.... Mostly because the smart ones stay in the woods. But, partly because their populations have increased. The majority of us do not run over the creatures intentionally, but there are so many of them....
As time passes, and our population grows, there will be more and more traffic on our roads. We will continue to dream up ways to protect the idiots, and there will be growing multitudes of them around.
Walking down the middle of the road.
None of us (I'm absolutely certain!) would deliberately hit one of these sad creatures, any more than we would the hapless skunk. However, with each passing day, it becomes more and more difficult to avoid the ever-present streetwalkers.
Lawsuits notwithstanding....
....Dead skunk in the middle of the road.
This is actually a group of thoughts which all (somewhat) deal with the same subject. I have grouped them together as they were published as an article in an online magazine at one time.
Does it seem, sometimes, as if no one drives a car anymore? That all of us are zipping about in airplanes which have had their wings clipped; so that instead of driving we are all just Flying Low.
In order that the rest of us may have our morning papers, the people who deliver those papers are required to be out before the sun comes up.
I wonder...?
Is it also a part of their duties to wake us up? Or; is it just a coincidence that none of them have mufflers on their cars?
I'm beginning to wonder if being a jogger is one of the qualifications for a sticker which allows you to park in the "Handicapped Space".
Must be.
It seems as if 90% of the people I see park there get out of their cars and run to the store.
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Wouldn't it serve our safety if, while they were patrolling the parking lot, the Police would ticket those selfish people who park on the diagonal yellow "No Parking" lines, right next to the "NO PARKING - FIRE LANE" sign?
Wouldn't it be really nice if the unthinking widgets would simply not park there?
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They have really improved the roads around the city I live in. All of the major intersections at freeway entrances and exits have been modernized. Mile long acceleration and deceleration ramps have been added so that drivers no longer have to risk their lives by pulling out into traffic which is traveling 65 miles per hour without being able to first accelerate up to speed.
So. Tell me.
Why is it that every one is continuing to do 25 miles per hour all the way to the end of the entrance ramp (where there is easily enough space in which to launch a 747) and, as if they were the only ones on the road, still pulling out in front of traffic before even attempting to speed up?
Causing everyone else to SLAM ON THEIR BRAKES in order to keep from ramming into the fool who just failed to yeild!
By the way, YEILD is synonomous with YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO PULL OUT IN FRONT OF A CAR DOING SIXTY MILES AN HOUR! (are you stupid?)
When you are confronted with a YEILD sign, the other fellow always has the right of way. If necessary, (meaning: if you can not enter the other drivers lane without cutting them off and forcing them to take evasive action.) YOU must STOP!
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OK. It's winter. It's cold. It's windy. It's wet.
And. You are lazy.
If you would clean the snow off of your car, before you attempt to drive it, we could both see where we are going.
From over here, it looks as if your side of the road has the same amount of space as mine does.
Why don't you stay on it?
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The bad thing about me slamming on my brakes right now is; when you rear end me you air bag will deploy and you will likely escape unharmed. While I will be sitting up here with whiplash.
The good thing would be that you would have to pay for your car, and mine, and the towing bills and my lost time at work, my medical bills, your increased insurance rates; oh, and (of course) my lawyer....
....and anything else he may think of that I might have overlooked.
Why don't you simply observe the two second rule and back off!
What's your hurry brother? Are you afraid you'll die if you don't get there first?
Well....
You just might.
By the way....
Use your turn signal. That way others will know you are going to cut them off...before you do it!
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Remember when there was a law which limited how bright your headlights could be? It used to be illegal to mount airplane landing lights on your vehicle. Now they seem to come installed as a factory option.
From that (this means you moron) it should be obvious that (when passing oncoming traffic) you only need to use your dim lights.
Why is everyone running with their bright lights on; and their fog lights too?
Not to mention those two-thousand candle power road lights. Don't they know that they are blinding everyone else on the road!
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Why do so many people think that right turn permitted on red means: whip up to the red light without looking in either direction, career around the corner in front of the guy who has the green, and then sue him when he hits them?
The tongue is the strongest muscle in the body. Don't let your "Superman" tongue overload your "Clark Kent" body.
The tongue is also the only organ which never ages. Perhaps your life would be a better place if your tongue were to grow up.
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Pedestrians have the Right-Of-Way AT CROSS WALKS!
So: Why are you walking down the middle of the street? There is a perfectly good side walk right next to the road.
Oh sure..!
Somebody will sue the guy if he runs over you; but it won't be you.
Not yet convinced? Consider this aspect of the situation; that oncoming car outweighs you by about two tons, therefore....
Mass times Velocity = FORCE! = Right-Of-Way. According to the Laws Of Nature.
(Just ask that dead skunk lying there next to you.)
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Yes. We all know that you like your music.
Most of us like music too.
However (not that there is anything wrong with your music) the rest of us would prefer listening to our own music.
Which is kind of hard to do when your music is the loudest sound in THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE!
Drive back by to witness more interesting observations at this intersection....
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Another time...
...Doug L.
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I believe this advice could indeed apply to every aspect of our lives.
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